There are many ways people do relationships. At the end of the day, I subscribe to the notion “whatever works.” But I find that a distress point for many couples in my practice is relationship balance. Relationship balance is the “you, me and we” parts of the relationship. Imagine two overlapping circles with the overlapping parts representing the “we” and the side parts representing the the individuals.
The trick is that people have different ideas of what relationships are supposed to be in time spent nurturing those parts. Perhaps you believe that the circles should be almost entirely overlapping, where the bulk of the energy and time is on each other. Or maybe a heavy focus on seeking satisfaction individually within the dynamic resonates more. There are many reasons behind why people settle in the places they do on this.
How is the balance in your relationship?
Sometimes couples can benefit from looking at how they see the circles overlapping and then talking about how they would like to see the circles overlapping. A reset might be needed. If you wish your partner didn’t seek solo activities so much – or that your partner would give you some breathing room – consider having a discussion about your balance. This is one way to avoid the potential for resentment build-up.
I help couples get clear on what their dynamic looks like, understand the reasons behind each of their personal comfort zones and find compromise to better meet each other’s needs.
The “you, me and we” are all vital components of emotional and relationship health.